Series: Therapy Speak, Decoded
“Triggered” has had an interesting journey.
In clinical settings, it originally referred to something specific: a current experience that activates the nervous system’s memory of a past one. A smell, a tone of voice, a particular look — something in the present that pulls up something from the past, often without warning and sometimes without any obvious connection.
That’s still what it means in therapy. But in everyday use, the word has expanded — and blurred. Now it often just means upset. Annoyed. Activated. And it tends to carry a charge in one of two directions: either I shouldn’t be getting triggered (self-criticism) or you triggered me (blame).
Both of those moves miss something important.
Having Reactions Is Normal
Let’s start here: having reactions to things is not a problem. It’s human.
Someone raises their voice and you feel your chest tighten. A comment lands in a way that stings. A situation feels suddenly, inexplicably overwhelming. These are not signs that something is wrong with you. They are your nervous system doing what nervous systems do — scanning for meaning, responding to what it perceives.
The question isn’t whether you have reactions. You will. The more interesting question is what the reaction is telling you — and whether it fits the current moment, or whether something older is being stirred up.
When the Reaction Doesn’t Fit the Moment
Sometimes a reaction is proportionate. Someone yells at you and you feel frightened or angry — that makes sense. Your nervous system is reading the situation accurately.
But sometimes a reaction feels bigger than the moment seems to call for. A mildly critical comment sends you into a spiral. A small conflict feels like the end of everything. Someone’s tone of voice — not even what they said — leaves you shaking.
When that happens, it’s worth getting curious. Not what’s wrong with me? but what does this remind me of? What pattern is being activated? Where have I felt this before?
Reactions that seem disproportionate are often proportionate to something — just not to what’s happening right now. They’re carrying history. And that history is worth knowing.
The Blame Trap
The language of triggering can quietly become a way of locating the problem outside ourselves — you triggered me, therefore this is yours to fix — or a way of demanding protection from experiences that are uncomfortable but ultimately not harmful.
Because while there are absolutely situations where our reactions are accurate signals that something is wrong or unsafe, a lot of what we call triggering is our own unfinished business showing up in the present. And no amount of managing our environment will resolve unfinished business. It just follows us.
On the other side, I shouldn’t be getting triggered isn’t much more useful. It turns a reaction — which is just information — into evidence of personal failure. The reaction isn’t the problem. What we do with it is what matters.
What If You Got Curious Instead?
Viktor Frankl wrote: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose.”
That space is what therapy is often trying to help people find — not to stop having reactions, but to have a little more room between the stimulus and what comes next. Enough room to notice what’s happening, to get curious about it, to make a choice rather than just react.
What if, instead of trying to avoid the things that trigger you, you stayed curious about them? Not because the experience is pleasant, but because your reaction is a map — it’s pointing somewhere. The more you understand where, the less you’re held prisoner by avoidance, and the more able you are to make different choices. That’s not a comfortable idea. But it’s a useful one.
When a Reaction Is a Genuine Signal
None of this is to say that all reactions should be examined and reframed. Some reactions are accurate. Some situations are genuinely unsafe, and the discomfort you feel is your nervous system telling you something true and important. Those signals deserve to be taken seriously, not intellectualized away.
The distinction — between a reaction that’s carrying old history and a reaction that’s reading the current situation accurately — isn’t always obvious. That’s part of what therapy can help with: learning to tell the difference, and responding accordingly.
If Your Reactions Feel Like They’re Running the Show
If you find yourself frequently overwhelmed by reactions that don’t quite fit the moment — or if you’re spending a lot of energy trying to avoid the things that set you off — that can be worth exploring in therapy. I work with anxiety, trauma, and the patterns that show up in relationships, in person in Squamish and online across BC.
This post is part of Therapy Speak, Decoded — a series unpacking the words that show up constantly in therapy contexts and don’t always get explained. Because language that creates distance is the opposite of what therapy is for.
Jill Koehler, MA, RCC-ACS is a Registered Clinical Counsellor and Approved Clinical Supervisor based in Squamish, BC, with a focus on anxiety, trauma, and relationships.
Internal links to include:
- /anxiety-counselling-squamish/
- /trauma-ptsd-counselling-squamish/
- /online-therapy-bc/
- Future: link to trauma post, boundaries post, how does that make you feel post
Schema type: BlogPosting
Series: Therapy Speak, Decoded
