The One Thing Most Couples Don’t Do Before Moving In or Getting Married
Getting married. Moving in together. Newly committed and wanting to start things off well.
Whatever stage you’re at, one thing is consistently true: the conversations you have now — before the hard topics become hard problems — make an enormous difference to how things go later.
Most couples spend more time planning a wedding than preparing for a marriage. That’s not a criticism — it’s just what our culture models. And it means most couples arrive at one of the biggest commitments of their lives without ever having talked openly about money, conflict, intimacy, family expectations, or what they each actually need to feel secure and loved.
Why the early conversations matter so much
The couples who do best long-term aren’t the ones who never struggle. They’re the ones who have built the skills and shared understanding to navigate struggle when it comes — and who had the important conversations early enough that small differences didn’t quietly become large ones.
The topics that tend to cause the most problems later are also the ones couples are least likely to discuss early on:
- Money — not just who pays for what, but attitudes toward spending, saving, debt, and financial security
- Conflict — how you each handle disagreement, what your patterns are, and how to navigate it without creating distance
- Intimacy and connection — what you each need, how you express affection, and how to stay close through the stresses of life together
- Roles and expectations — who does what, and whether those assumptions are actually shared
- Family and values — what you’re each bringing from your families of origin, and how to navigate differences consciously
- Goals and shared vision — what you’re each hoping for and what you’re building toward together
None of these are comfortable to raise when things are going well. But they are so much easier to talk about before they become problems than after.
A research-backed place to start
The PREPARE/ENRICH Assessment + Debrief is one of the most widely researched relationship tools available — used with over three million couples across thirty years. Each partner completes the assessment independently online, and the results generate a personalised report mapping your strengths and growth areas across all the topics that matter most.
The debrief session then works through those results together — giving you a clear picture of what you’re already doing well, an honest look at your growth areas, and practical tools for the conversations ahead.
It’s not therapy. It’s preparation. And it’s one of the most useful investments a couple can make before the hard topics become hard problems.
Not sure if you’re ready for a full assessment?
The free couples relationship exercise is a good starting point — a short, self-paced exercise that helps you and your partner identify where you’re aligned and where it might be worth a closer look.
Working with couples in Squamish and across BC
I offer premarital counselling in person in Squamish and the Sea to Sky corridor, as well as the PREPARE/ENRICH Assessment + Debrief both in person and online across BC.
If you’re moving in together, getting engaged, or simply wanting to invest in your relationship before things get hard — I’d love to hear from you.
Email: jill@communicatingwell.com
Phone: 604-909-2401
