Being Heard is so Close to Being Loved
Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable.
Author Archive for: koehler.jillian@gmail.com
Entries by koehler.jillian@gmail.com
The 5 Minute Listening Experiment
When conflict arises and people are feeling stressed, one of the first things that can disappear is the ability to listen to and hear each other. Part of the reason listening becomes more difficult is that, as our nervous systems start to escalate, we tend to move into fight/flight/freeze mode, filtering out most of what […]
Love is a Verb – 12 Ways to Get More Active in Love
“Love is a verb. Love – the feeling – is the fruit of love the verb or our loving actions.” -Stephen R. Covey An all-too-familiar sentiment that I hear from clients to explain why they are thinking of leaving their long-term relationship is “I love my partner, I’m just not in love with them anymore. […]
Do you Have Conflict Rules of Engagement?
Let’s face it: conflict is often a necessary and unavoidable part of almost all relationships. However, we do have choices about how we behave and engage during conflict situations. Most of the time, couples are just relieved when the conflict is over and want to put it in the past. While an all-out fight can […]
The Power of Thank You
Do you know what your partner most wants to be thanked for? Do you let your loved ones know what sort of recognition is most important to you? In this 3 min TedTalk Laura Trice discusses the importance of asking for and giving thank yous.
Love can feel like risky business…
Love can feel like risky business…will we lose ourselves in the process? Open ourselves up to depend on another only to be rejected or abandoned? What would that say about us if it happened, that we are not worthy or not good enough? No wonder we want to protect ourselves! Rumi makes a very wise […]
What is Your Attachment Style?
Though surely to avoid attachments for fear of loss is to avoid life -Lionel Shriver On way to start exploring barriers is to look at your attachment style. In a nutshell attachment style is how you relate to another person. We develop our first experience of attachment with our primary caregiver(s). There are thought to be […]
What are your Expectations?
It’s good to set our expectations high isn’t it? There are all sorts of quotes telling us to do just that: By asking for the impossible we obtain the best possible. -Giovanni Niccolini High expectations are the key to everything. -Sam Walton And yet Shakespeare said: Expectation is the root of all heartache. So… Having high expectations […]
Healthy Conflict = Healthy Relationships
Client: hello, my partner and I are interested in couples counselling Me: I’m glad you guys are looking for some support – that takes courage. What’s led you to seek counselling? Client: hmmmm it’s hard to put into words….ummmm….I guess communication…. Communication difficulties are cited by 90% of people who contact me for couples counselling. Couples know that […]
Communication Going Sideways? – Take Two!
Do you ever wish you could rewind a conversation and say something differently to get a better outcome? Changing communication patterns can be quite difficult since our nervous systems can become so primed to react and move into a state of defensiveness based on our reactions to what we hear our partner saying. In order […]