Entries by koehler.jillian@gmail.com

One of the Biggest Communication Myths….

One of the biggest communication myths that leads to a lot of unnecessary pain is the belief that if somebody really cares about you or values you then you shouldn’t have to tell them what you want or need. This can apply in personal relationships as well as in our professional ones. For example: If […]

Are You Judgemental or Curious?

You know that feeling when you are talking to somebody who seems genuinely interested in you and what you have to say? Think about the last time you had an experience like this. It generally feels pretty good when others feel curious about us. It can be a real luxury to have space to explore […]

1 Powerful Step to Improve Communication

As I mentioned in a previous post, the most common reason people give for seeking couples counselling is problems with communication. Communication is a pretty broad area and making change generally requires being able to address small pieces at a time. John Gottman, psychologist and relationship researcher, has done a great job of breaking down […]

Fight or Flight = Bad Communication

Once your nervous system gets escalated and moves into fight/flight/freeze response, it’s next to impossible to have a useful discussion. And for many of us, we don’t even know when that response has been triggered in ourselves let alone in our partner. So we continue trying to communicate with little success. This state of nervous […]

I Care About You

I care about who you are, who you have been, who you want to be. I open myself to you to listen and learn about you. I cherish you, not just my fantasy of who you are, not just who I need you to be, but who you really are…