In Conscious Connection #1 I was talking about how being curious about needs is an antidote for judgment.
Marshall Rosenberg said: “Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.”
Pretty powerful words!
Understanding the interplay between needs and judgements is an essential ingredient for becoming more consciously connected with ourselves and others.
Imagine if we were more able to identify and address our unmet needs instead of reacting to our judgements of what we think somebody is doing wrong and not meeting the needs of which we are unaware. It would be much easier to be empathetic to the other person and would also help us to take steps to address our unmet needs.
Thinking back to the neighbor who doesn’t say hi back. In the last post I encouraged you to imagine what the neighbor’s needs might be. But what about your own?
Noticing your own judgement towards the neighbor (they are unfriendly) is a great flag for bringing curiosity to what needs you have that are not being met.
Try taking a look at the Needs List and see if you can identify any unmet needs.
Maybe there is a need for connection, a need to be seen?
Once you recognize your own unmet needs, its easier to see why you might start judging your neighbor. Their behavior simply shines a light on your own potential unmet need.
And now, instead of getting stuck ruminating about your ‘unfriendly’ neighbor, you might simply recognize how important it is for you to have connection…and maybe even phone a good friend and get that need met!
If you are interested in this topic, I’ll be sharing these posts and other NVC and communication info in my private FB group ‘Creating Conscious Connection‘ Come on over and join me there! 🙂